Exposing perfectionism (Part 1)
Are you so foolish? Having begun in the Spirit, are you now being made perfect by the flesh? Galatians 3:3
As a recovering perfectionist, I did not consider myself to be beset with perfection until recently. As I thought to myself, I have a chill and goofy personality. I am not that obsessive, and I don't like controlling or fixing other people. I believe some of my close friends have noticed my perfectionistic tendencies. Yet, I had a shallow understanding of perfectionism and a stereotype of what it was. I was in denial by mixing it with excellence and a strong work ethic to normalize it.
“Just right but never enough” sums up perfectionism. Before I explore the meaning of the loop, we might ask, isn't excellence and having a high standard good traits? No, I am not advocating mediocrity or being a slob to let our lives fall apart.
An example of my point would be if two heart surgeons performed the same task, one driven by perfectionism, and the other not. The main difference is their level of "pressure". Both need to perform with excellent quality, but the one who isn’t driven by perfectionism faces less pressure or even "no pressure.”
Perfectionism is not about compromising quality and results, but about "what drives" you to do what you do. It is driven by "immense pressure." Perfectionists tend to pressurize things, resulting in irritable feelings or disturbances over things or people when they are under pressure, so perfectionists are prone to “fixing it” because the perfectionist trait has a low tolerance for weakness, and their inner critic tends to be so harsh towards themselves and others as well. There is a cycle of perfectionism that causes burnout, compulsive behavior, anxiety, and depression as we are driven to do the right thing but never enough.
Perfectionism often stems from shame and fear, like our worth is tied to our performance. The lie goes that if we don't do the right thing, people will reject or abandon us. Our upbringing and life experiences can infiltrate these lies, for example, our parents may place too much pressure on their children that they don't deserve love if they don't perform well or do the "right" thing.
Thus, perfectionism may be rooted in emotional wounds and negligence as well as a lack of healing processes for negative emotions, which leads to feelings of shame, unworthiness, anger, and discontent from the past.
Furthermore, the perfectionism loop prevents us from being at peace with ourselves, others, and even God. The heart of God is to see everyone walk in freedom and break the loop. Part 2 will examine more the repercussions of perfectionism, and part 3 will discuss the remedies.
Blessing prayer: May we rest in your father's love and expose our perfectionistic tendencies. Teach us to receive your grace, in Jesus' name, Amen.
