Exposing perfectionism (Part 2)

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

Perfection is like chasing a loop to constantly do the right thing but never enough. We should not lower our goals, standards, and quality because the "just right" mentality is fine, but we need to remove the pressure and disturbance that comes from the mindset of "never enough”. 

Perfectionism also robs us of peace with ourselves, others, and God, because perfectionism is intolerant of weakness, so our inner critic torments us by pointing out our flaws. As a result, we wage constant war on ourselves.

In addition to causing relationship tension and breakdown with others, perfectionism will tend to "react" to people when they cause "disturbance" and the perfectionist person will be aggressive or defensive to the criticism, so others may dodge around to avoid the strict inner world. In the workplace, perfectionism is especially prevalent. Steve Jobs was known for his great mind and innovation, but was notorious for his relationships and being difficult to be around. It makes someone less loving and relational because perfectionists prioritize performance over relationships.  

Perfectionism distorts our relationships with God because it usually has high and unattainable goals and once those goals are not met, or God does not “fix” the situations in the way we want, we may feel frustrated and disappointed in God, as if he has forgotten us and abandoned us. 

I recently had a conversation with a brother in Christ who made me realize that I am beset by perfectionism, especially religious perfectionism.

Though I mentioned my struggles, he said my sharing sounded emotionless as if I described the facts. As a result, I began to think I rarely connect with others authentically, since I wanted to present myself to others as spiritual and able to put all things together. 

Also, looking back I had religious OCD that I tried to pray religiously and constantly listened to sermons and christian messages from a place of compulsive behavior rather than love and peace. Whenever a sin or weakness strikes, my default mode is "what I need to do or repent” to fix it and make it “right”?

A perfectionistic mindset cannot overcome "perfectionism," such as what kind of books I need to read or what I need to do to fix it, because it uses our own flesh and blocks the power of God. We must receive total unconditional love from God and kindness from ourselves as the remedy, which will be discussed in part 3.  

Blessing prayer: You are perfect and only  your unconditional love can deliver us from. As we boast our weaknesses, your power is perfected in us. In Jesus' name, Amen