The loop of denial (Part 2)
But we have renounced the hidden things of shame, not walking in craftiness nor handling the word of God deceitfully. 2 Corinthians 4:2
My friend was in an abusive relationship for nearly ten years and she was in immense pain and suffering. "Why don't you leave him?" I asked. She replied, “No, I don’t have any choice.” Perplexed, I asked, “Why?” ”, to which she affirmatively responded, “because He needs me, and if I leave, he will kill himself. I can’t bear this guilt for the rest of my life”.
During our conversation, I saw a vivid open vision of a black head covering all over my friend's face. Although I was stunned by that open vision, I knew that denial is the devil's spiritual tactic to blind us from God's truth and seeing the whole picture. It was hard to convince my friend verbally, but I know it must be done spiritually. Thus, I kept praying for her to get out of that abusive relationship, and she finally did. There is no sign of the guy killing himself but he soon found another woman, and my friend felt free and happy and she could finally be her true self.
I will illustrate some common forms of denial with corresponding dialogues about how denial plays out in the context of a wife who is the victim of domestic violence by her husband.
Avoidance: “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Minimizing: “It wasn’t that serious.”
Rationalization: “He has bi-polar disorder and it happened when he stopped taking medication recently.”
Reframe: “He didn't mean to hurt me, he just uncontrollably snapped the object at me.
Circumstances change: “If we move house, he'll be more peaceful:
Invalidation: “I'm fine. There are other women out there who are more severe than me."
Justification: “He just lost his job so he couldn't control his anger.”
Choosing to forget: “Time will heal and I will forget. ”
Distorted tolerance: “It happens to a lot of couples. It didn’t happen that often, so it is not a big deal.”
Spiritual disguise: “ I will endure this hardship because Jesus suffered so I suffer!"
Is some of the dialogue familiar to you? Denial will cripple our ability to discern the truth and force us to come up with excuses, resulting in emotional stalemate. With the "grace and truth" of God, we can overcome denial.
Blessing prayer: May your truth manifest in our minds and remove the veils so the god of this age cannot blind us. I pray that your light shines out of the darkness and in our hearts. In Jesus' name, Amen.
