The loop of denial (Part 1)

Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. Ephesians 4:25 

The ninth commandment in the Bible is “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.” This principle applies to all forms of lying. However, what if that someone is us ? In other words, can we lie to ourselves? Absolutely yes. We can testify falsely against ourselves when we deny or downplay our emotions. The hard truth is that people in denial will deny their denial. 

The "loop" of denial was familiar to me. My denial loop stemmed from my work life. After my first startup didn't take off, I worked with various people and experienced various kinds of mistreatment. A sister pointed out there was an ungodly pattern in it, and I had been trapped in a loop. 

There are underlying boundary issues in my case, but the Holy Spirit reminded me that denial is a form of “falsehood ”. "Falsehood" in the key verse today is "Pseudos" in Greek, which means "lying" and pseudos is also a common English word meaning "fake and pretentious".

Our defensive mechanisms include denial, which is one of the known self-reliant coping mechanisms, as it allows us to avoid physical and emotional pain, fear, and trauma. It is our survival mechanism for preventing harm and self-preservation. Denial seems to be "effective" when coping with difficult emotions, such as grief, as it seems to help us adjust gradually to shock and loss.  As a result, we tend to deny, downplay, and dissociate ourselves from our emotions, unmet needs and the truth voices inside us.  

There is also a denial culture like the Chinese, which suppresses and detaches our true emotions under the concept of shame. For example, we do not want to offend or bother others, so we often say things that are not true (口不對心) which is translated as “mouth does not match with heart ”.  

Although denial may appear to be a defensive mechanism, it is actually a form of self-deception that will destroy our well-being and cause us to ignore the problems for which there are better solutions.  Part 2 will illustrate more examples of "denial" including rationalization and minimization, and Part 3 will discuss some of the remedies.

Blessing prayer: Remove all falsehoods and deceptions that are not aligned with your truth so that we can walk in your light. In Jesus' name, Amen